A blessed day.

Last April 23, we celebrated my Dad’s birthday in our new house. Along with that is the House Blessing. So at around 10-11am, the priest arrived and after the house blessing, he ate with us. Mahaba-haba nga ang sermon niya. Haha. But it was really really nice. It was nice to bond with my family like that. The priest also told us about the Philippines, why our country is like this, etc etc, and how there is still hope for our country to rise up. Everything that’s happening in our country now are just challenges. It’s up to us how we’re going to conquer all those challenges. The government is the one that leads, guides and controls our country, but it is really us, the people, who will make our country a better place. And how are we going to do that? Go back to where everything started, family. The family is the first school, first church, first everything. That’s why family matters a lot. I have learned a lot from just one day, one day. And I love it.

Later on in the afternoon, our pastor friend from Cornerstone Christian Church dropped by to give the cake to my dad and he prayed us over. It was really touching. My dad cried. So as my brother, Kuya Carlos. I was nearly in tears, and so as my mom. I never felt God more than that day. I felt really blessed. Who could ever thought that that day would be that blessed? First birthday on our new home, I can feel God’s presence more than ever. Pastor Fred said that “your greatest wealth is the relationship with your family.” True enough. I cannot ever forget that line. He also said that no matter how many challenges had come into our lives and how many things there were that’s lost and left behind, God will give us even more than what we lost. Proverbs 24:16 says, “a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again”/”No matter how often honest people fall, they always get up again; but disaster destroys the wicked.” I know how much things aren’t the same as they were before and how many mistakes have been made in the past, but we’re almost getting to the way it has been before, only that we’re coming up as better people for the betterment of everyone, especially our family. Family is priceless.

That day, I was being sad because of something or rather someone. But after everything that has happened during that day, I had no reason to be sad at all. Because I am very blessed. I am very grateful and thankful that I am with my family. And they’re there for me, we will always have each other. And that friend I was being sad about, will also have my back, no matter what.

Well, some of the people who reads my blog knows who that person is.

You know this past few days, I’ve been… I don’t, I can’t explain how I’m feeling really. I just know that I miss someone. Period. And it’s just that no matter how much you do things, how much you occupy yourself doing a LOT of things, in the end, the pain just comes back again. The feeling and the thinking is still there. And it really sucks. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep forever. Well no, not really, but it’s in sleep that I’m peaceful and have nothing to think about. Maybe this will pass, just maybe. Maybe because it’s summer and school’s not on the way and yeah. Sigh. Why am I feeling pain? Why am I being sad? Well it’s just because reality keeps slapping me in my face. Yes yes, it does. But what can I do? It’s reality, I need to deal with it.

See, last night I turned off the PC earlier than what I used to, but I can’t sleep and I don’t want to yet. So I went to my brother’s room. Nakipagkulitan. Kumain. Nag-exercise. Palakad-lakad, pabalik-balik. Then my brother asked me, “Cha? Musta?” and how the usual me would say, “Okay lang.” Then tries to look okay. I just wanted to take that feeling away, and I can’t explain WHAT feeling that is. I played the guitar, asked my brother what song is easy to play, he told me the chords of Always Be My Baby and there, I played it. Turned on my pc again, played it over and over. Searched for the chords of Realize by Colbie Callait, Say it again by Marie Digby and all that. My fingers hurt. But it was fine. As long as I don’t feel that feeling. But after everything, it’s just didn’t work. It’s still there. So I went to sleep at 4am. Again.

I just hate how I’m always like that. Whenever I feel something that would make me ultimately happy, I always hold it back. I always hold it back. And what does it get me? It pains me. I’m always scared to get hurt. I’m always scared to be happy. Cos every time I’m happy, I always think that there will be something that will make me sad. Gah, I don’t know. I just.. blah.

Anyway, on the lighter side(lolz), I kept thinking about this conversation I had with my brother’s ex. She asked me what will I do after I graduate, then I said, “job?” She said, “further studies?” Yes, I want to. But you know how life is hard nowadays. I want to go study in another art school outside the country to get a second degree or masters or whatever you call that. I just love education. I love to learn. But she said, that she thinks I can do it. And she will continue to believe in me. She’s going to the U.S. later this year to I think, study again. She’s in Singapore right now, studying as an Economics major. How cool is that? She said she’ll help me get financial support when I really want to and I’m serious about it. And last night, I searched for the top art schools in the U.S. and I looked into The Art Institute of California and the Academy of Art University. Those are both in California, Los Angeles and California respectively. But after much surfing in both websites, I decided that I want to go to the Academy of Art University! LOLZ. But what the hell, can I ever do that? I was so overwhelmed last night when I saw all that. I don’t know though. It’s not a crime to dream, is it? Dream on, Cha. Dream on.

Anyway, that’s about it. Thanks for everyone who commented on my layout and previous blog post! Much loves.

An-April-19-blog-post

IT’S OFFICIALLY VACATION TIME FOR ME!

Been a long long time since I went online. For almost like a month I think? So I have here a little run through of what’s happened in my life for the past month:

1. We moved in to our new house in Fairview. It may be far from my school, but heck, who cares? I’m gonna make sure my sacrifices will be all worth it. Glad I’m not moving in to a new school!

2. Since we moved in to our new house, we have had delicious foods! ) As in, seriously! I have noticed that even before but my dad said it just yesterday. Thank God for the blessings!

3. Since we moved in to our new house, our internet’s bummed so I wasn’t able to go online. SMARTBRO sucks. SMARTBROken. Lol. When our account expires, we’ll surely gonna change our connection. We should.

4. Frosh year is over! Oh yes! I’m not a frosh anymore but a sophomore! Can you believe that? Cliche as it may sound but time flies by really fast. It’s so overwhelming. So many things to do, so little time. But it would help me be responsible in managing with my time, right?

5. I passed all my subjects this term! THANK GOD! I THANK GOD SO MUCH 100x!!! You know, I was worried a hell lot about my grades in two subjects. Business Math was okay until our prof told us our standings before our final exams. I had to get half of my final exam to pass! Our Final exam only had 2 questions, all worth #(forgot) points.

And my World Literature class, well I was so worried about this. In her[my prof] class, I don’t really participate. I wasn’t active. And to top off, I was always late. I knew I had a low midterm grade that I didn’t know. So I really studied for her final exam. It was the last resort I had to prove to her that I deserve a passing grade, at least. I knew I didn’t give my best this term, especially in her class. I had to prove to her that I am so much better than what she thinks. Because I know I am. I just didn’t exert much effort to make her see that, and as well as in my other subjects. I knew I wasn’t in my best form. I guess I had to be in the danger zone first to make me realize how I was and how I did. I should have done my part at the start of the term, but I didn’t. I ultimately learned the hard way.

And because of that, I ultimately promised myself that I will do much much better next time. Better than what I had been, better than what I am. I hope I will be able to do that, and not just eat my words at the end of the term, again asking God for another chance to make things right. No, I hope not. God might not give me another chance to do so because I knew I had the chance already and didn’t use it well.

6. GRADES GRADES GRADES.
COMSK2x – 3.0 Our Project Plan proposal presentation went really well and I worked hard on my video resume.
PETWODA – 3.0 Heck, why the hell my grade is 3.0? It’s the only P.E. class yet that I wasn’t able to get a 4.0! To think it was Dance! WTF? I wasn’t able to get it myself so I wasn’t able to question her about it. Anyway, it’s fine. Well, no it isn’t. I believe I deserve more than a 3.0, maybe a 3.5 will do. But I don’t know.
PHILOMA – 2.5 Well I guess I deserve this grade. Hooray for one PHILOMA prof for the cheats! I guess everyone knew the answers for the matching type and true or false(alternate answers).
RECONSE – 3.5 WHOA! I was surprised to know that I got 3.5 for this subject. Not that I don’t deserve it, I just didn’t expect to get this grade. I got 3.0 for the midterms and I managed to get this. How cool was that? )
FILIP13 – 2.5 It’s kinda okay. I got a 3.0 for the midterms and I guess I deserve this one. Maybe I didn’t get a high score in my final exams.
BMAT2x- 2.0! That would be equal to 80-84. Would you believe mehnnn?! I was just praying for a 1.0! A passing grade! But I got a 2.0 instead! How ultimately cool was that man? )
WORLITE- 1.5 Okay, I am happy that I got this grade at least! I got a missed call from my prof and that meant that I need to pass a poster-like work to pull up my grade. I will make an artwork about one story we discussed and how I understood it in class. A catchy by-line is required too, just like what we did in our poster activity in class. I had it printed on A4 and had it laminated. My friends were miss called too. We were really scared. I rushed the poster I did ’cause my prof called at around 12:30-1:00-ish in the morning and I was already asleep then. I woke up at 10:30am! And my phone was bombarded with my friends’ text messages. I called them and they were already at school. So I made the poster for like 2 hours and arrived at school at around 3pm. So yeah, we waited for like an hour because our prof wasn’t there yet. I thought I’m going to be there for only 30 minutes but add an hour on that, so my brothers waited for me at McDo for about 1 and a half hour. Oopsie. ) My prof told me that I passed the final exam and told me that maybe I studied for the exam ) Well I did, really. So yeah. Here’s my work btw.

Again, it’s a vector. The first vector is recycled. The second and third one, well, I got their pictures from my brother’s wedding. LOL. I’ve been addicted to doing vectors lately. I did it for only two hours ’cause I was rushing so it’s not so good.

7. My dad’s birthday is coming up! It’s on Wednesday. It turns out that Ate Lhyn[my cousin's wife] and Ate Gem’s[family friend] daughter is also celebrating their birthday on the same day! So we’re gonna celebrate it here in our new home! That would be really fun! First birthday on our new house. The house blessing will be on that day too. I’m gonna post a lot of pictures if I can take a lot.

8. NEW LAYOUT! How do you like it?

So that’s it.

I missed a lot in the web world and as well as in the blogosphere. I missed reading your blogs! I’m surely going to keep up with everything. Ohyay.

Not-so-holy-week.

Last night was the most FUNNEST night I ever had since I don’t know when! SRSLY! It was an unexpected get-together, or night out as you may call it.

But anyway, I’m going to start off with my day. First, Mom, Dad and I went to Fairview to check when we can already move some things in the house. Probably, by Monday we can start moving things already since maybe by that time, some parts of the house are already fixed. They said we should already be there on the 31st. I am soo excited! Yep, I am excited now. Haha. Man, it’s a lot of work! I saw my room too! It’s bigger than my room now. Hooray! I can’t wait to decorate and design it, lol. I hope they would allow me to paint it with the color I want to. The only thing I can say about the house is, WOW. I can now imagine the Christmas Party we could have there. We can run around for the relay game. ) Sobrang init din kahapon, grabe. Mabaliw na yata ako dun. Lakad lang ako ng lakad, paikot-ikot. Hinintay pa kasi namin si kuya Raymond kasama si Ate Therese. When they came, we toured them around the house. Then after, we went to San Benissa to check out Ate Therese’s condo unit. We just saw the model unit since the way to her building is still under construction. Ang ganda sobra sa San Benissa! Spanish-inspired nga. I felt like I was in Spain! SRSLYYYY! It was a cute community. Haha, cute. ) Parang American way of living. Bumili pa kami ng inumin since sobrang uhaw na kami at napakain pa tuloy ng La Paz Batchoy. Haha. We left around 6-ish.

Tapos, napag-alaman kong pupunta pala sila Kuya sa SM para manood ng sine. Ayun, napasama tuloy ako. We watched Meet the Spartans. Laugh trip. Pero di ko masyado nagustuhan na as in super. Di namin naabutan yung first 20 minutes kasi kumain pa kami sa Pizza Hut. But it wasn’t the real reason though. Ate Therese and I went to the comfort room which was on the 3rd floor. After, we saw this big black circle and we got curious what’s it for. It was asking which is faster to go down, 25-cents, 1-peso or 5-peso. LOL. Promise, sinasayang lang nila ang pera niyo. ) 5-peso was fastest. LOL. Parang sira lang. Law of gravity chuva daw, ngek. ) Because of that, we were late. ) So then, we left SM at 10-ish.

Kuya Jeff invited Ate Therese and Kuya to go to their gig at Mugen, Metrowalk even before we got at SM. I think we weren’t supposed to go at Mugen though, but my brother got pissed about something that I don’t know what. So we went. I was like, WHAT?! ) I was wearing a shirt, capri pants and slippers. It was really unexpected. I said, if I would have known that they were going there, I wouldn’t come. But after everything, I take that back. I KNEW I SHOULD BE THERE. ) I would definitely miss the half of my 2008 if I didn’t go!

Sobrang sobrang fun talaga! Lahat kami parang 1st time ulit to go in a bar(with bands ah) after we don’t know when. Ako siguro nung… basta di ko na matandaan, alam ko simula nung wala na sila kuya. I was surprised that Kuya Carlos was there with them too. Haha. So lahat kaming magkakapatid nandun(except for Kuya Ian of course, ’cause he’s in Davao). Wudyubeliv. Along with, Ate Gem, Ate Lhyn, Kuya Sonny and Kuya Ces. So there were 8 of us.

Sa bands kasi, usually 3rd set sila nagpapa-jam. Laging sinasabi ni Kuya Jeff na may magj-jam from Pure Instinct simula pa nung 1st at 2nd set nila. Syempre, na-excite naman kaming lahat kasi sobrang na-miss namin silang mag-perform! Sinasabi ko lagi kay Ate Therese during that time, “Nakakamiss yung ganito.” Kasi laging sila(Pure Instinct) ang pinapanood namin ‘pag lumalabas. Ngayon, sila na ang kasama namin pag nanonood.. ng ibang banda.

Third set came and the jamming started. OHYE. Nung tinawag na si Kuya Amon to play the guitar, and another guy, a Korean, to play the bass, we were all like screaming our lungs out! SOBRA. Lalo naman nung nag-perform na si Kuya. TALAGA NAMAN MEHN. Hataw! They played Play that Funky Music. OMG GRABE TALAGA. FANS CLUB KAMI! ) After, sigawan talaga! Si Ate Therese ang haba ng hair. Hahaha. Sabi naman ni Kuya Amon, napansin daw niya nung adlib na, bumagal daw siya. Taeng bumagal yan, ayos nga yung pag-perform niya dun. Bumagal pa ang kamay niya sa lagay na yun. Sayang hindi niya ginawa yung exhibition na ginagawa nila ni kuya Ian, yung ilalagay sa likod yung gitara. IDOL TALAGA! It would have been better though if both of them were there, but of course it’s not possible.

Akala namin yun na, tapos na, na si kuya Amon lang ang magj-jam. Pero syempre I was hoping na magj-jam pa si Kuya Sonny at Kuya Carlos. When the band said na one more jammer to go, sumigaw si ate Therese, “SONNY! CARLOS!”. Sabi ni Kuya Jeff, “Oo, two more pa pala.” Sigawan kameeee. ) Hahaha. Tapos nung tinawag na sila, we were telling them, “Go na! Goooo!” E si Kuya Sonny medyo wala na sa katinuan, haha. Hindi naman, kaya naman, sabog lang siya. )

Pag-akyat nila ng stage, kwento nila kuya, di daw nila alam anong song yung ip-perform nila, tapos nagulat na lang sila na Bring Me to Life yun. Haha. Edi go. SOBRANG sigaw kami ng sigaw dun! Ang ingay namin! Kami yung pinaka-maingay. Haha. Tapos si Ate Therese sumisigaw, “Magbalikan na kayo! Wala na akong gimik!” ) Totoo naman e, simula nung wala na sila, hindi na talaga nakakalabas. Sobrang tuwang-tuwa at masayang-masaya ako after. Nag-hug pa nga sila pagtapos e. Aw. Sayang hindi kumpleto. Pero okay lang, sobrang masaya naman kasi after how many months, nakita namin sila ulit mag-perform! Si Kuya Jeff nga, hindi siya kasama sa song, nakaupo lang sa tabi, di niya napigilang mapatayo at pumunta rin ng stage e. At some point, I knew they will miss what they were doing for almost 12 years of their lives. And we, also missed them. Sayang kasi talaga. They’re still young and they’re great at what they do. And with just that, everything fell apart. It was really really sad. I had a hard time accepting that ’cause all my life(srsly!), I’ve been used to seeing them perform a lot. They were my idols. I seriously don’t know how they do it, they’re really really good. And I’m not telling this because they’re my brothers/cousins. It’s because they really are good. Sobrang proud ako tuwing nakikita ko silang mag-perform. Sabi nga ni Kuya Sonny nun, “Nasa dugo natin yan ‘tol”. Every Wednesday tumutugtog sila Kuya Jeff dun. Btw, Kuya Jeff is my brother’s ex-bandmate and Kuya Amon’s high school friend, bestfriend. Sabi nila, dapat daw every Wednesday ganun. Then kami yung Wednesday group. ) Haha.

I can’t wait to see them perform again. I plan to make them perform on my debut next year, if ever possible. I would ultimately love that. And at last, kagabi rin! NAKITA KO NA RIN SUMAYAW SI KUYA CARLOS! ) WAHAHAHA. ) After the jamming kasi, the band played dance songs. Una, nakaupo pa si kuya dun, then I don’t remember sinong humila sa kanya para tumayo, then ayun, napasayaw na rin. OHYE. ) Hahaha. Ang saya, lahat kami sumasayaw nun. Since walang dance floor, dun sa may table. Haha. Nakahilera kami dun na para bang kami lang yung tao. We went home at around 3 to 4-ish. Sumabay ako kila Kuya Ces since andun si Kuya Carlos, they dropped us off at Quezon Ave. since his car was there, wala kasi siyang kasama mag-drive pauwi so ako na lang. Nag-drive thru pa kami sa jollibee. When we got home, mom and dad was awake. ) Tapos ayun, nagkwentuhan kami sa kwarto nila while eating. I love those moments, it’s priceless. These moments are priceless.

–
Btw, thanks for all your comments guys. 3 and a half years lang dun, tri-sem kasi. Mag-2nd year na siya e, konti na lang graduate na.” And I was telling my mom when we were in the house, “Napalayo naman ako.” She said, “Okay lang, kelangan lang maaga gumising.” So yeah. YEEE.

I don’t know what to do.

At last, they told me.

Lilipat kami ng bahay. Mas malayo, sa Fairview na. Malaki raw. Ang mga kwarto namin malaki, lahat may banyo. May terrace, may mapagpapractice-an ng sayaw, at lahat lahat na. Nung nakita raw ng kuya ko, isa lang raw nasabi niya, mansion.

Dun pala sila pumunta kanina, habang ako naghihintay sa Convergy’s para sunduin nila. Galing ako ng TriNoma kanina then my friend dropped me off there. Sabi tumambay muna ako ng Starbucks, pero dahil naisipan kong wag na lang dahil mapapagastos nanaman ako, sa Ministop na lang. Matagal e, kaya naglakad na lang ako pauwi. Tutal kaya ko naman. Akala ko nandun si kuya, pero nalaman kong magkakasama pala silang lahat.

Grabe. Grabe talaga.

Nagsimba kami dahil Palm Sunday. After, we went to Pancake House sa Convergys. There, they told me. At last.

Hindi ko alam bakit hindi nila agad sinabi sa akin. Hindi ko malalaman kung hindi dahil sa kuya ko. Sinabi lang niya na ‘wag ko ipaalam kila Mom na sinabi niya sa ‘kin. Bakit ayaw nilang ipaalam sa akin? Bakit ayaw nilang malaman ko? Even if malalaman ko rin naman in the long run?

Ganun naman lagi eh. It seems like I don’t have any right to know what’s happening? Am I not part of the family? Because, really, everyone knows but me! And you know how much that sucks? It sucks big time. And my dad was saying that I am innocent? Grabe. He doesn’t know that I know then. I may not know everything that’s happening but I am not stupid to not have any clue on what are they doing. They make me look like I’m stupid. I just wanted them to tell me. Everytime I’m there, they’re not talking about it. If I’m not there, they talk a lot. It’s painful. It feels like they don’t want me to grow up. And maybe they thought I would not understand. I will be so disappointed if that will be their reason. I am so disappointed that they think of me that way. Maybe they don’t really know me. Grabe.

Now, that’s fine with me because they already told me. Even if it took so much time before they told me. Okay the house is big. I’ve always dreamt of a house big enough for me. I should be happy and be jumping up and down now. But I’m not.

Lilipat rin daw ako ng school. Sobrang nagulat ako dun. Hindi ko alam kung nagbibiro sila o hindi. Hindi ko alam kung sobrang tuloy o hindi. Pero that trigerred me to just blow up and cry right then and there at Pancake House. But I held it back, I don’t want them to see me cry and I don’t want people to see me cry really hard there. Hindi na lang ako nagsalita. Gusto nila akong lumipat either UP or Ateneo(my bro said this). Mas okay di ba? Pero hindi eh. Tinanong ako ng dad ko kung matataas daw ba ang grades ko. Tapos mag-inquire din daw kami sa UP about transferring. And other stuff like that. Natulala na lang ako. Wala akong masabi. Maiyak-iyak na ako. Alam kong mas okay, pero… hindi talaga e. Walang MMA dun. Gusto ko sa MMA. I don’t want to leave my CSB friends. CSB has been my turf. It’s where I am happy and comfortable with. My friends are superb and I am very lucky to have them in my life. Akala ko okay na lahat when I told them na dun ko gusto mag-aral. Akala ko wala nang mangyayaring ganito. But really, life plays with you when you least expect it.

You know, I never imagined myself to be in CSB and taking up MMA then because it’s far from where I live. But now that I’m there, I don’t want to leave anymore. It’s where I now imagined myself to be in for the next 2 or 3 years. Nung nalaman ko yun, parang lahat ng yun, biglang naglaho. It all shattered into pieces. My dreams, my heart, everything. Every little thing I imagined, every dream I had, every bit of myself was just shattered.

Kung alam ko lang na mangyayari ‘to, edi sana hindi na ako nag-aral dun dba? Edi sana hindi ko na lang pinaglaban ‘to. Sayang naman yung tatlong terms ko. Kung ayaw nila kung nasaan ako, kung ayaw nilang umalis at lumabas ako, kung nahihirapan sila, sabihin nila. Dahil ayoko ring nahihirapan sila dahil sa ‘kin. Kaya ko naman e.

Lahat may paraan.

Sabi ko na nga ba dapat kumuha na lang ako ng scholarship noon. Kung dahil sa tuition, dahil alam kong napakamahal talaga at tri-sem pa, may paraan naman para diyan e. Scholarship. Naging open naman ako sa kanila about dyan, sabi nila okay lang. Okay lang na hindi kumuha, okay lang kung kumuha. Kung dahil sa layo, may paraan pa rin, commute! Hindi nila kelangang araw-araw akong ihatid at sunduin sa school. Kasi kakayanin ko namang mag-commute e. They just won’t let me kaya iniisip ko rin na hindi ko kaya. I was willing to commute. I was willing to do everything just to be in CSB. Tapos ngayon, ganito? Sana hindi ko na lang talaga pinaglaban. Kasi in the first place, I knew na gusto talaga nila na sa UP ako mag-aral. Pero sorry hindi ako nakapasa. Akala ko kakayanin kong iwan ang CSB para sa UP. Pero hindi e.

Dapat maging masaya ako na malaki na ang lilipatan naming bahay. Pero hindi ako masaya. Aanhin ko ang malaking bahay kung hindi naman ako masaya? Mas mahalaga sa akin kung saan ako masaya. Mas mahalaga sa akin ang pangarap ko. Walang ibang nago-offer ng MMA kundi CSB lang. May APC rin naman pero malayo rin yun. Ganun din. Alam kong maraming alternatives, maraming pwedeng gawin. Pero hindi eh, hindi talaga. Kasi MMA ang gusto ko. Fit na fit sa ‘kin yun e. Lahat ng gusto kong gawin nandun. Pwede akong mag-Information Design sa Ateneo, e ano, mas mahal naman ang tuition! Pwede akong mag-CommArts sa UP, pero ayoko ng CommArts. Hindi niyo siguro ako maiintindihan kasi wala kayo sa pwesto ko pero eto nararamdaman ko e.

Hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko. Kasi hindi ko maiwasang isipin na magiging selfish ang dating ko pag ganito, pag sarili ko lang ang iisipin ko. Alam kong nahihirapan sila, pero nahihirapan din ako. Mga kapatid ko ayos lang sa kanila e. Bakit? Kasi graduate na silang lahat! Yung kuya ko, ggraduate na ngayong March. Ako na lang natitira. At lahat naman sila nagwwork sa business namin. Kasi dun nila gusto. Pero may iba akong gusto e, may iba akong pangarap. May iba akong gustong gawin. Hindi ako magaling kumanta o tumugtog ng instrumento, pero mahilig ako sa musika. Hindi ako magaling sa sounds at lighting, pero marunong akong mag-appreciate. Hindi ako katulad nila. I didn’t turn out to what they expect and what they want me to be. Because I have my own mind, own dreams, own thinking. Shouldn’t they be proud that I know what I want and what I want to be? Shouldn’t they be proud that I am capable of deciding for myself?

Sayang e, nandito na ako, aalis pa ako.

So tell me, am I being selfish? If I tell them this, am I being selfish?

A lot of questions are running through my mind. Gusto kong malaman ang mga sagot. Hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko ngayon. Nalulungkot ako. Naguguluhan ako.

Anong dahilan? Bakit nangyayari ‘to ngayon? Bakit nangyayari ‘to? (

Bad week.

This week is really bad for me. And I hate it. I never had a week like this in college. It makes me sad.

Monday started out really well. Our waltz dance presentation in our P.E. class went really good considering that we taught it to our group mates for less than an hour. And the rest of the day went well.

Tuesday was the start of the bad day. I came to school late and I kept on debating with myself whether or not I will come to my 09:40 Literature class because I came to school at about 10:20. I was 40 minutes late. I should have come to class. I knew I should have. I missed our group song singing which according to my classmates is equivalent to 4 quizzes. Their group got 100. Now, I got 0 and I was marked absent. Great. I knew I should have been there.

Wednesday was fine too. But of course, it wasn’t so great for me because my Tuesday sucked big time. I still regret the fact that I didn’t come to class. Now, I have a big lesson learned: to still come to class even if you’re 40 minutes late.

Thursday was steady. We had a free cut in our Literature class. That means I won’t see err… my blockmates. So my first class was Filipino. Everything went fine. Cerisse and CJ went to Shang after being uber bored from their 7 hour break since we have no Lit class. My head ached once again for solving Business Math problems in our laboratory class. And lastly, I got to pass my phenomenological paper for my Philosophy class. That was the end of my day. Nothing really special. I guess the only thing that kept me err…happy was listening to With You by Chris Brown. Lol. But still, I can’t get over about not coming to my Lit class. I missed a lot. Boo. Oh btw, this was the day that the La Sallian community showed their support to Jun Lozada, a person who knows a lot about the ZTE Broadband deal. So there was this vigil (if that’s what they call it, I forgot) outside Benilde and there were a lot of people with their candles with them. I didn’t know my way out when my dad called me and told me they were already there. So I went out to the side gate. Lol. Yeah, I think that’s what you can literally call it because it’s really at the side.

And lastly, today. Friday went really good. I think only Monday and Friday were the days that went well, the start and the end of my week. We had a photo shoot in Plaza Villarosa because Paul and Kevin brought their DSLR cameras with them. I also brought my Nikon coolpix digicam but of course, we used the DSLR cameras more. I finally got my hands on the Nikon D40x! I really want that camera! Before I was so used to the slim and small digital cameras but now, I’m more used to the big and bulky DSLR camera. I wish I had the money. But anyway, back to my Friday. We (Kevin, Camae, Paul and I) left our blockmates and went to SDA Building with a friend from DLSU. While we were on our way up to the 12th floor, I saw Champ of Hale with Bianca King, btw. They went inside the elevator going to the same floor as us. Nagkasabay pa. Haha. I was surprised when I saw Champ ’cause I know he already graduated. I didn’t notice Bianca King at first though. This was the real photo shoot. It was really fun and tiring. I never thought taking pictures was really tiring. We shot a lot of pictures since Paul brought his tripod with him. I will post some of the photos here as soon as I get it. We didn’t go to our COMSK2x class though. Bad. We didn’t even had a chance to study for our Business Math quiz But the quiz was okay for me, I guess. BMAT2x was my last class but my day didn’t end there. Kevin, CJ and I can’t get enough of the photo shoot thingy so we camwhored using the camera’s controller. Yana was there too. I also saw Anna, a fellow blogger, and they went to join us. She asked if the camera was mine but then again, it’s not. I wish it was. Hehe. After, we (Kevin, CJ and I) decided to shoot a multiple exposure (that’s what they call it, I’m not sure) photo in an empty classroom. And after a 12324154 shots, we went home.

My Friday would have gone well but I still consider my week bad. Something’s just making me feel bad about it. Probably about what happened in my Tuesday. I was really pissed off, you know. I really really was. Gah. What a lucky way to start off the Chinese New Year. I had my hair cut btw, had my side bangs back. My bad week doesn’t have to do anything with the hair cut, does it?

I hope next week would be fine.

Boink boink boink, back!

Hello! LOL. I’m backkkkkkkkk because my much-awaited break is finally here! Yay for Christmas break! Finals are done and so is the course card distribution. It wasn’t much of a curse card day for me because to my relief, I passed all subjects. Although I got a 1.5 and a 1.0(Algeb!), at least, I passed. And my Communication Skills laboratory prof didn’t drop me from his class! Yay! I even got a 3.0, hahaha. My 2nd term grades isn’t as good as my 1st term but at leasttttt, yeah. Lol.

Hmm. It’s December 23 already. Only 2 days before Christmas. Happy Holidays, btw! XD I can’t think of anything to write here. Lol. I just blogged for some updates, if you call this an update. Lol.

Hmm.. anyways, I gotta go eat. Then, I’ll continue watching “Coffee Prince”. It’s a koreanovela. Hahaha. :p

Byers. XD

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[edit]
I wanna finish collecting my Starbucks stickers. 8 left! Gah. I’ll make sure I have the planner by tomorrow!!! Yay for double stickers.

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I’m loving the Zara hoodie a friend gave me for Christmas. Yay! Pambawas daw sa Christmas wish list. Nyahaha. Tenksyouuu! XD Lol, I remember I didn’t have a chance to say thank you when she gave it to me.

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We fetched my brother(Kuya Ian) and his wife(Ate Liza) from the airport. They’re from Davao. Dang, we waited for almost 2 hours for them. Lol. I’m so sleepyyy. I got home just now(2:03 am). But anyway.. yay for they’re spending Christmas with us! Hehe. And I’m going to continue watching Coffee Prince. Haha.

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I just finished this now. Hehe. At last, I had the time to color it. It’s my first time with digital coloring so.. pasensya. Hehe. Click to enlarge.

Merry Christmas everyone!

[/edit]

Boy meets girl.

I didn’t go to school today. I’m not feeling well My mom woke me up at around 4 in the morning and asked me if I will go to school. I was having second thoughts but my body’s really weak to get up. Tinanong ko siya kung anong mas okay, sabi niya, wag na lang daw ako pumasok. Okay na lang rin, kasi wala naman kaming gagawin ngayon, puro discussions lang. Hmm, I’m really tired. 2 weeks na lang, term break na namin. Konting tiis na lang.

I have so much to do even if I didn’t go to school. Gagawin ko yung report namin para bukas sa Sociology at magreresearch para sa Economics report na project na rin namin. Ok na rin ‘to, at least hindi ako mas-stress masyado. Marami pang oras para gawin kaya I should really start now.

Boy meets girl nga pala title ng post kong ‘to. Why? Wala lang, wala kasi akong magawa at hindi ko pa masyadong feel mag-start agad na mag-research kaya inaliw ko ang sarili ko sa pagpo-Photoshop. Tinry ko lang kung kaya ko rin gawin dito yung ginawa ko sa Illustrator sa SDA¹ building namin.

Ay, masyado palang maliit yung ginawa ko. *Resizes it* Click niyo na lang para mas malaki. Hehe. Kaya lang medyo lumabo. Toinkkk.

Babae at lalaki ang ginawa ko kaya nung pinagsama ko, ginawa ko na lang Boy meets girl. Wala akong ibang maisip na title e. Hehe. Ok naman siya, pangit lang yata yung buhok nung girl. Kung anu-ano pinaggagawa ko e. Di talaga ako magaling sa pag-shadow shadow. I need to learn how to do it better. My blockmate said, “Practice lang yan.”

Anyway, maraming nakalagay sa Christmas Wish List ko. Hindi pa nga pala ako naglalagay ng Christmas Wish List ko dito kagaya ng ginawa ko sa Multiply ko. Sobrang dami nun e. So bakit ko nga ba nabanggit ‘to? Konektado ba sa Boy meets girl? Oo. Dahil sa #1 sa list. Yun lang. Hehe. At dahil December na rin ngayon kaya ok lang na magkaroon ng Christmas Wish List dba? Lol.

1. Wacom Intuos Tablet
2. Nikon D40/D40x or Canon EOS 400d DSLR.
3. Starbucks 2008 Planner (5 pa lang stickers ko! Huhu.)
4. Hoodie! Matagal ko na gusto netooooo. Gah. Puro window shopping lang kami ng blockmates ko tuwing magpupunta kami ng mall pag break time.
5. Red Ecko shoes. Astig yung design. Nakita niyo na ba ‘to?
6. School bag. Kahit may bag ako for school, hindi pa rin siya enough. Kasi gusto ko yung tipong magkakasya lahat. Sawang-sawa na ko kakadala nung file case ko. Wahaha. Tapos tipong magkakasya din dun yung pang-P.E. ko. Para isa lang dala ko: bag lang.
7. Statement and vintage tees.
8. Makapag-ipon! Syempre para mabili yung gusto ko. Eh ang problema, mahal yung gusto kong bilhin(# 1 and 2). Kaya kung mabait kayo, yan na lang gift niyo sakin. LOL. Kapal ng mukha e noh. HAHA.
9. Magkaroon ng 3.0 up grades sa finals.
10. Own domain. Sobrang dati ko pa ‘tong gusto. Mga 2 years ago pa. Wala, tinamad lang ako. Pero ngayon gusto ko na ulit. Toinks.

Hmm. 10 lang nilagay ko dito. Pero sa multiply ko, 25 ang nandun. Sobrang dami. Wala namang masama dba. XD

Btw, Happy Birthday to Dan Hellbound! Lol, binati kita for the 4th time. )

Sige, bai bai.

¹ School of Design and Arts. Our multimedia lab has Mac Pro, a Wacom Intuos tablet, and anything a Multimedia Arts student would need. We love it there!

Bubbly.

WARNING: Random post. Tagalog. Wala, gusto ko lang magkwento. LOL.

Bubbly? Bakit nga ba bubbly ang title neto? Wala lang, LSS kasi ako sa song na yan ngayon. Ganda eh. Bubbly by Colbie Calait. Narealize ko paiba-iba talaga ang taste ko sa music. Merong mas nangingibabaw sa ibang genre at a certain point pero gusto ko pa rin yung ibang genres. Ay, labo. Haha.

Hindi pala dapat Bubbly ang title ng post kong ‘to. Dapat “headache” or “bugbok na utak ko”. Wala lang. Kagabi kasi bugbog na bugbog utak ko. Siguro buong araw akong nakatutok sa computer at himala, sinipag akong gawin ang website na pinapagawa sa ‘kin nila kuya. Yey for me! First time kong gumawa ng website na .com. Yung tipong ako talaga yung administrator. Grr. So I’m still figuring out how things work. It’s still under construction. Pero grabe, pag-figure out ko na nga lang pano gawing mail.domain.com yung Webmail instead dun sa binigay na domain.com:2095 (dba ganyan?), namroblema na ko. Eh syempre baka malimutan nila yung number sa dulo. Hehe. Pero buti na lang nagawa ko rin! domain.com/mail nga lang pero ayos na yun. Masaya na ‘ko dun. Thanks nga pala kay Christian sa pagtulong rin sa ‘kin. Bugbog rin pala ang kamay ko kaka-type. Linalagay ko kasi mga contacts sa address book ng email nila. At may email rin akong bago under sa domain name na yun, lol. Kung may bayad lang sana ako dito dba, eh wala e. Free food, board & lodging, education and other stuffs lang naman. That’s basically my life. So ok na lang rin.

Inayos ko rin yung gallery ng konti. Ganun pala yung gamit ng Fantastico noh? Hahaha. Ngayon ko lang na-gets. Di ko alam anong use nyan dati eh. LOL. Newb! to think na nagddesign ako ng websites for almost 5 years na rin. My gally! I know I still have a lot to learn. GO MMA! Hehehe. Sabi ko rin, 7pm ang cut-off time ko sa work na yan. Eh ayoko tumigil hangga’t hindi ko naaayos yung hindi pa naayos. Ayun, umabot ako ng mga 10pm. May break pa yun kasi kumain, syempre. LOL. At dahil dyan…

Hindi ko nagawa ang COMSK1x(Communication Skills 1) homework namin na nakakabugbog rin ng utak. Grabe. Tungkol sa Thesis Statement yun. Na-miscarriage pa kasi yung orig. prof namin so na-replace sya. And the replacement will be our prof until the end of the term. Great. Pahirap. Pero ayos lang rin, kasi mas may natututunan kami sa kanya. Kung sana nagawa ko yun nung Friday or Saturday. Hay eto nanaman ako. Gusto ko na ‘tong baguhin! Nakakainis.

So pumasok ako, late ng mga 10minutes. Grr. Late nanaman ako nagising. Buti na lang evaluation ng teachers. Eh mahaba yun, so na-consume ng pageevaluate namin yung isang oras na period sa karamihan ng subjects. Natatakot ako kasi wala akong HW sa COMSK1x. LOL. Buti na lang may consideration yung prof. Ngayon lang daw yun. Bait nun sa ‘min(medyo). Haha. Nung una 2:30pm daw ang deadline. Tapos nagbigay nung isa pang HW due on Wednesday(I’ll make sure na nagawa ko na ‘to beforehand lol) at take home quiz due on Friday. Ang galeennng. Ngayon lang kami nakapag-take home quiz. HAHA. After nun, nagbago isip nya, minove nya yung deadline ng HW namin ng 4:00. Ang saya saya. Eh dapat di na kami gagawa. Mga kasama ko kasi eh. Pero sa isip ko, sayang naman yung binigay na extension ni Ms. kung di ko gagawin. Sayang ang grade!!! So ginawa ko. Nagpunta kami ng isaw-an tapos after pumasok kami sa internet shop malapit dun. Tinulungan rin ako ng blockmate ko. Tapos napass ko! Ewan ko kung tama pinaglalagay ko dun. Basta nagawa ko. LOL.

Wala lang. )

Hmm, para sa ‘kin, masaya sa school. Ewan ko, basta lagi akong masaya pag nasa school. Bakit ba ganun? Kayo ba? Hehe.

Wala lang ulit. LOL. Ganda ng post ko no. Haha.
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RENZ! Pano na yung blogger commenting code? LOL. =p

Hindi ako kinikilig, natatawa ako.

Okay so our music video for our project in Filipino is already released on YouTube. Yak, parang premiere? Haha. But anyway, I got to watch it again and… HINDI TALAGA AKO KINIKILIG, NATATAWA AKOOOO. Hahaha. I’m not good in acting so natatawa ako sa acting ko. LOL. Even if my blockmates got kilig while watching the video in class and even if they wanted to watch it over and over again.. well, not me. ) Hahaha. But at least, I leveled up in acting. Just one level. Haha. :p

Anyway, if I haven’t told the story of the video yet..

The song is “Only reminds me of you” translated into Tagalog so the title is “Ikaw pa rin ang naaalala”. The story is basically about mag-boypren/gelpren na sobrang opposites. Yung guy parang gago and loko-loko and the girl is the goody-goody type. So the video starts off with a guy writing.. “This is the story of my bestfriend…*put name here*” :p Then the girl in the video is reminiscing about their happy moments together. Naglalakad-lakad sya, emo-emo. Ganun. Then eventually, the guy found another girl. Nakita nung girl. Syempre, hurt sya. Emoemo, cry cry sa cr. Her bestfriend saw her crying so nalungkot yung bestfriend nya. Then nag-end yung video na bumalik dun sa first scene.. the bestfriend wrote, “This is the story of my bestfriend…*put name here*” right? But eventually ended up crossing out the bestfriend word and wrote love instead. Tapos may newspaper sa pinakadulo ng video saying, “College girl commits suicide in university bathroom“.

KAMONNNNNNNNNNNN. Hahaha. Na-gets ba yung concept? Parang di ko na-explain ng mabuti. Di ako magaling magkwento e. Haha.

Anyway, the video was conceptualized by my blockmate. It wasn’t the original concept but it’s somehow close to it. We revised the original one because we were out of time. We shot the whole video last Monday and the deadline for the project was on Wednesday that same week. Haha. But the video was, let’s say.. a blockbuster? LOL. Our Filipino prof said, “Alam nyo class natutuwa ako sa mga projects nyo. Pero hindi lang yun, nagugulat rin ako. Hahaha.” ) LOL. Then my blockmates were saying, “Nice one, Cha.” “Yes naman!“. One of blockmates was even teary-eyed kasi kinikilig raw sya. Hahaha. Parang nagkagulo sa classroom nung pinalabas yung video. ) Pero ako habang pinapalabas yun, parang gusto ko nang matunaw at maglaho sa room that very moment. Hahaha. Nagtatago ako sa likod ng blockmate ko habang pinapalabas yun. Hiyang-hiya akoooo. Hahaha. Pero at the same time natatawa. LABO. Haha. Tapos nagagalit sila dun sa blockmate ko na ‘other girl’ sa video. Hahaha.

Grabe, siguro pag iba yung gumanap nun, maiiyak iyak ako at kinikilig habang pinapanood yung video. Pero hindi ehhh. Hahaha. Tae talagaaaaaaaaaaa. Anyway, I’m still thinking if I’ll put the link here. ) :p

[edit]
Well, papel! Here’s the link:
KLIK TO GO TO YOOCHOOB!
I’m guessing you guys didn’t notice the link. It has been up for like… days already. Hehe. Lots of peole got to watch it already kaya… ayos na lang rin. My family got to watch it, damnit. Di ko ni-planong ipakita sakanila pero accidentally… mahabang story. Haha.
*COVERS FACE!*
[/edit]